


Equal equivalents

by cool_ha_ha



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Sex, Angst, Banter, Cardassian Anatomy, Comfort Sex, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24077611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cool_ha_ha/pseuds/cool_ha_ha
Summary: Garak and Quark find themselves in the same boat
Relationships: Elim Garak/Quark, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Odo/Quark (Star Trek)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Equal equivalents

**Author's Note:**

> G-Garak  
> O-Odo  
> B-Bashir  
> Q-Quark  
> K-Kira

Q comes round slow and painfully. He can feel his head swimming. That means he’s either had too much to drink or he’s in the infirmary.  
B: O, he’s coming round  
Infirmary it is  
O: Q!  
Q: What?!  
B: How do you feel?  
Q: I can’t remember what I did  
O: You got stabbed  
Q shoots a look at O, then down. There's a massive hole in his trousers and a fresh scar, stitches and all  
B: Without the technology we have today, and O’s quick thinking, you’d be dead right now  
Q: What happened?  
O: That's why I’m here. One minute you were getting friendly with some Klingons, the next thing I know, you’re screaming, bleeding out and the suspect is bolting through the door.  
Q: Did you get him?  
O: ‘Corse I got him  
B rolls his eyes  
Q: How long?  
O: As soon as he started running  
Q: Damn it. The pool just got more expensive  
B: Can you move Q?  
Q swung his legs over the bed and jumped down  
Q: It's sore but I’m okay .. And my head hurts  
O: You lost most of the blood in your body  
B: We made O in a makeshift blood transfuser to stop you dying until the wound was patched up.  
Q looks at O  
O: They hit an artery. I’m not solid but I know enough  
Q: My hero  
B: Not here you two  
Q rolls his eyes  
O: You might wanna do something about that  
O points to the gash in his trousers  
Q: G’s is open right?  
B: Why are you asking me?  
O smiles to himself. Q limps off and onto the promenade  
B: I don’t think he realises how close he really was  
O: I think he knows, he just doesn’t want to think about it  
B: If you hadn’t have been there-  
O: I don’t want to think about it either

Q limps into G’s shop. G looks him up and down  
G: And what on god's green earth happened to you?  
Q: You pick that one up from B?  
G: It sounded right  
Q: I agree, but to answer your question, I got stabbed. I need the trousers patching up.  
G gets up and looks more at the scar than the hole  
G: That looks very serious  
Q: Thank the blessed exchequer O was there. B says I should be dead. To think, O saving my life ….  
G: Well you are very close  
Q: Wrong kind of close  
G: Yes, well, I can repair them, but the damage will be noticeable. I can try and hide it by putting the new seem all the way down and matching it on the other-  
Q: I don’t speak seamstress, just do what you can and I’ll pay for it. I can’t afford to lose this suit  
G: Very well.. But I’ll need to remove them from you  
Q: Oh.. right. Probably should have brought a spare pair  
G: I’ll see if I have any spare in your size  
G disappears off to back room  
Q: I won't hold my breath  
G comes back  
G: These are a bit big but they’ll keep you decent  
G throws him the trousers  
Q: They’re not even the right colour  
G: You could walk home in your underwear  
Q sulks and stomps off to the changing room  
G: Your people have always confused me with that rule  
Q closes the curtain  
Q: What rule?  
G: One gender can’t be undressed and the other gender can’t be dressed.  
Q: Why wouldn’t you wanna see the women of your house naked?  
G: It's degrading.  
Q: If she can be dressed, she can be undressed  
G: So its a sex thing?  
Q: No- Its a sex segregation thing  
G: Which brings me to another point. How does sex work if you can’t get naked in front of your lover?  
Q emerges wearing the trousers holding them up at the hips  
Q: If you’re me, you do quickies and you both stay dressed. If you’re R, you buy the special pajamas for that kind of thing  
G: I’ll put a safety pin in those to keep them up  
G starts walking back to his desk  
G: Doesn’t that lose the intimacy of it.  
Q: Urgh. We don’t do that. Business even follows you to the bedroom in my culture .. or in my case, the back room  
G falls to his knees and starts rolling the waistband over  
G: I don’t think I could do sex without being touched  
Q: That's what your ears are for  
G gives Q a raised eyebrow  
Q: You wouldn’t cover your neck.. Or want B to cover his  
G puts the pin in the trousers to hold them up  
G: What's B got to do with it?  
Q: Everyone knows what you two got going on. It's not exactly a secret when your eyeing each other up at the replomat, or arguing in the corner of my bar. You seem to forget I was here during the occupation  
G: It's just flirting. And you can talk. I see you trying to wind O up everyday. He might be obvious but I’m not.  
G wanders back to the dressing room  
Q: Maybe I like flirting. You don’t know what my intentions are  
G: Ah huh. And do you please yourself fully dressed too?  
G laughs to himself picking up Q’s trousers  
Q: As long as I’m not at risk of being seen ...  
G: Good to know loopholes also follow you to the bedroom … or back room in your case  
Q: If this is how you flirt with B, there's no wonder-  
G gave Q a warning look  
Q folds his arm  
Q: Don’t dish out what you can’t take  
G: I can take it. I just worry that you can’t  
Q: Now you’re definitely trying it on  
G: Not like O does, am I right?  
Q: Stop talking about him like that  
G: Don’t dish out-  
Q: yeah, yeah, I get it  
G: Oh, am I striking a nerve?  
Q: No but neither does B  
G looks pissed  
Q gets smug  
Q: Did I strike a nerve?  
G: We can sit here using out words against each other all day, but we both know our equal equivalents don’t see us that way  
Q: No, B see’s you that way. He just doesn’t want to admit it. O wouldn’t give me the time of day never mind-  
G grins  
G: What wouldn’t he give you?  
Q: It doesn’t matter  
G: No, I want to hear it. What do you want from him?  
Q: I can’t trust you with that kind of information  
G: I’ll tell you if you tell me  
Q goes over the rules. This trade is definitely approved  
Q: Fine, but you first.  
G perches on his work bench  
G: I’m sure you know Cardassians bite. I would give anything to see my teeth imprint deep on that human neck, for all his co-workers to see. No shame. No games.  
Q leans on a wall  
Q: Sometimes I hope when he arrests me that he would take advantage. I know he wouldn’t, but there's something about the idea of O being a secret deviant that rials me up.  
G: I have a pillow that I know is the exact measurements of B’s hips.  
Q: I’m ashamed of myself as a Ferengi for losing count of how many time I’ve jacked it those holding cells  
G: I had no idea what was between humans legs until I decided I should look it up incase we ever get there  
Q: I often wonder if the founders made his solid form Bajoran or Human. Since he never got the nose right. I wonder what’s under that uniform. It keeps me up at night  
G: I have genuinely considered eliminating female competition out of jealousy  
Q: I have never been harder than when he was Curzon and touched my ears and kissed me  
Q’s knees buckled  
G: I would have him as a top or bottom. At this point, I don’t even care  
Q: I often wonder if he has a female form, but then I realise I don’t care  
G: We should stop  
Q: Did you urm … I forgot the word .. Bloom?  
G: As soon as we started  
Q: I don’t wanna move incase I open the flood gates  
G: I didn’t realise you people self lubricate  
Q: Not to the same extent as my previous engagements with Cardassians, but that's what you get for living on a moist planet  
Q looks at the ground  
G: Did you say you’ve been with Cardassians?  
Q raises an eyebrow

Q is pinned to a wall with G pressed into him; one hand around his shoulder, one keeping his hips against the wall. Q panting over G’s shoulder. G groaning into the wall. Q could do this all day, but the heat of it, the sweet wet sensation, he’s got about 30 seconds. G keeps mouthing his ear, it makes it worse. He can’t wait to see what Ferengi teeth do to his neck.

G suddenly hits hard and fast, mumbling ‘Julian’.  
Q bites down on G’s neck ridges and they both come undone. The only reason Q didn’t moan O was because he had his mouth full. As he lets go, G is bleeding.  
Q: You got a regenerator?  
G pants  
G: Why?  
Q: I may have punctured your scales  
G: Don’t worry ‘bout it  
G lets Q down slowly. Q is already fumbling with his trousers. G joins him.  
Q: I’d prefer if you got that fixed. I don’t want the station knowing about this  
G: Trust me, my lips are sealed.  
Q: I may have also scratched a few scales off your back so …  
G: You really have done this before  
Q: The occupation. I was quite well known for this  
G: That was before O wasn’t it  
Q: No, it got worse when o showed up. I was putting myself out there and he had no idea what I wanted so I just kept hooking up with soldiers and dabo girls  
G: You can add tailor to that list  
Q: I’d trade in the whole list for O.  
Q slides down the wall  
Q: That sounds terrible  
G sits on the bench  
G: No, I understand. I don’t know if it's because of the celibacy, pheromones or just because he’s gorgeous, but I would give anything to have him for just one night.  
Q: Well you don’t seem out of practice  
G: I’ll take that a compliment  
Q: That is how I intended it be interpreted  
G: …. Q …? How old are you?  
Q: What the hell does that matter?  
G: To be honest, I feel like a huge creep thinking about the good doctor and it just occurred to me I have no idea how old you are  
Q: Ferengi live fore like 500 years, so your numbers don't add up  
G: Try me  
Q: I’m 92 in your years but barely into my 30’s by Ferengi years  
G: WHAT?  
Q: Told you. I mean, O is 30 something but then I remember he was floating around in space for a few centuries .. puts things in perspective  
G nods  
Q: How old are you?  
G: Never you goddamn mind  
Q: I gave you both my ages, I remember this trade requiring we both talk  
G looks mad  
G: Don’t tell him. He’ll think I’m a creep  
Q: Sure, the Ferengi chasing an immortal shapeshifter wants to anger the assassin turned tailor’s boyfriend for shits and giggles.  
G: I’m in my late 40’s. Happy?  
Q frowns  
Q: Wait, then how old is D?  
G looks at the floor  
G: Younger than me  
Q: Oh my god  
G: Your pants will be ready in a few days  
Q: Urm.. Then I’ll see ya then  
G zips his lips shut. Q does the same

*

There's a knock at G’s door. G answers it  
G: Q?  
Q: G …  
G: Are you drunk?  
Q: I’ve had a drink. I’m not drunk  
G: What are you doing here?  
Q: I miss him  
G: Q, he’s on an away mission, not dead  
Q: Can I come in?  
G sighs and lets him in  
Q basically trips into the room.  
G: Not drunk he says  
Q: I’m not. You oughta see me when I am. I forget what language I’m using and everything  
G: So what, you just came here looking for comfort?  
Q: Basically  
G joins him on the couch.  
Q: I can’t exactly confess my woes to just anyone. Gossip travels too quick on this station  
G: Ha. Funny how we are usually the ones spreading it and here we are confiding in each other  
Q: We’re in the same boat. We share the same burden. If one of us fucks up, the other goes with us, which is why we are so careful with that kind of information  
G: Very enlightened Q  
Q: Also you might kill me if anyone finds out we had sex to replace our imaginary boyfriends  
G: Not so enlightened  
Q: But I’m not wrong  
G nods again  
G: I’ll be honest Q  
Q: HA  
G: You didn’t strike me as the type who liked guys?  
Q: I don’t like guys, I like sex. But I like O  
G: Because he’s a guy or because you like sex?  
Q: Both.  
G: You spend an awful lot of time near dabo girls for me to believe that  
Q: Sex sells. I try it on with them. I don’t always succeed but it's worth a shot. Sometime I feel like their gay best friend, and then I remember I’m their boss, I can dress them however I like.  
G: It’s illegal on Cardassia  
Q: Really?  
G: My father flipped his shit when he found out what I’d been up to.  
G laughs to himself  
G: I didn’t get a chance to laugh back then. But it makes me laugh every time I remember I held a straight face while he went on a rant about my career and being a joke among his ranks. I didn’t even hide the bite mark while he went off on one. It took weeks waiting for an evening when M and T were out of the house. Worth every second though.  
Q: Mine was a business deal. Women come with paperwork. You do a guy a favour and he sends a free shipment of whatever you need every now and then.  
G: That sounds very shallow  
Q: Like I said, we don't exactly do romance. Women make children. Expensive children. Men … They give you stuff for free and you get free sex. That's a rule. Even if it's free, you can find it cheaper.  
G: I don’t think O would trade anything with you for sex  
Q: I’d quit crime. If that’s what he wants, then that's what he’ll get. Course he wouldn’t see it that way, or believe me  
G: I don’t think B would want that either. I’m not a woman with long hair and huge tits. He claims he likes them for their personality, but if that were true he would get to know them before trying to get in bed with them. It would cause so many less break ups.  
Q: Do you do women?  
G: I have. Not my thing.  
Q: Then why’d you do it?  
G: It fell into my job category  
Q laughed.  
G: I think my first might have been a bit confused when I asked if I could borrow her fingers. Didn’t occur to me that she was thinking the same thing  
Q: My first was not so gracious. She was expectant. I was scared. I’d been off Ferenginar for like a month. Females wearing clothes was still a new concept, never mind .. undressing them  
Q shuddered  
G: How did Namita happen?  
Q: I got involved in her little adventure and I thought we were perfectly matched. But the adventure ended at the door of my bar. We parted ways.  
Q laughs  
Q: She was furious with me.  
G: And you never moved on?  
Q: Not until O. But you know that story  
G: All too well I’m afraid  
Q was now laid on G. G was leaning on the arm casually.  
Q: Wanna do it again?  
G: I was waiting for that

In the bedroom  
Q: Why is there a lock on the third draw?  
G: Never you mind  
G was almost naked  
Q: I didn’t ask what's in it, I already know that. Mines just a drawer under the bed. I asked why you bother locking it?  
G: Because my people think I’m a pervert and locking them away makes me feel better  
Q: Oh. R once found my draw. He tries to avoid my quarters now  
G starts removing Q’s shoes. Q starts undoing his button  
G: How are we doing this?  
Q is shuffling out of his trousers  
Q: What ever’s easiest for you  
G pulls the trousers off him and lays him down fully  
G: My people have a thing about face to face, but I guess yours don’t?  
Q: No, but we have a saying about making it fit  
G: Never mind. Did any of your previous show you how to make them evert?  
Q: Teeth got in the way the first time, but yeah, I worked it out  
G: Oh, I was expecting fingers  
Q: Take it or leave it  
G and Q swap places  
G: This isn’t a make or break business deal  
Q: I can’t stop being a Ferenegi  
G: If I were to act out being a Cardassian- AH- We …  
G grabs for his ear  
Q: Gently  
G: ..Sorry… We wouldn’t .. be here.. Oh my  
Q: Is talking one of your peoples things too?  
G is mumbling words out  
G: It is .. actually. I don’t .. Oh my.. I don’t want to sound rude-  
Q: I’ve got my tongue in your slit, you can say whatever you want  
G moans  
G: I- I … Don’t want you to be offended if I use B’s name  
G moans again  
Q: Has it been a while?  
G: A VERY long time  
G grabs his own hair with the other hand  
G: Q!  
Q moves back on his elbows. It emerges  
Q: I always wondered, why is it more colourful than the rest you?  
G is panting  
G: Our ancestors were more brightly coloured. As we became civilised our environment changed and we lost most of the colour, so we could cope with the heat better  
Q: Interesting  
G: What about you?  
G sat up on his elbows  
G: What's with the “folds”?  
Q: We come from an extinct form of amphibian. We lost the eggs things and the wet skin, but everything else stayed the same  
G: Why are they extinct?  
Q: It's said that we eat them  
G: Ah..  
Q: Anyway. I was thinking I could lay on my front  
G: Oh, you need a pillow  
Q nods. G throws him a pillow and gets up.  
Q gets comfortable in position on the pillow  
G runs his fingers up Q’s under side. Q moans into the sheets. G presses in.  
Q: Yes please  
G: I can’t imagine you get this a lot?  
Q: Never  
Q was breathing heavy through his mouth  
G: You weren’t wrong about the moisture  
Q: It helps  
G gets going with his fingers. Q moans and melts under the touch  
G: It feels strange that you’re still mostly dressed.  
Q: If I could be anymore dressed, I would be  
G: Thigh high socks maybe  
Q moans a laugh out  
G pulls out and kneels.  
G: Do you want holding?  
Q: Not unless you want to hold me.  
G inserts himself in. Q moans. G presses on and moans with him  
G: You thinking about him?  
Q: Yup  
G: Me too  
Q laughs a little as G starts moving.  
Q: Ah- I’ve changed my mind  
G immediately stops  
Q: Can you hold me down?  
G puts his body weight on one wrist in Q’s back and starts moving again  
Q: Ahhh that's better  
G pushes in heavier  
G: You like that?  
G basically growls at him  
Q was slowly melting under the force and feeling of G shoving him into the pillow.  
The thought of O being the one to pin him down and growl at him sends a charge through his body that makes him sweat and shake.  
G pressed on, hit harder, faster. They both whisper different names. Q whines as G brings them to a close. Q spilled into the pillow. He felt G fill him.  
G got off. Q rolled over  
G: I’m getting us a drink  
Q: Wait  
G looked down at Q  
Q: Do you people kiss?  
G rolled his eyes and bobbed down. Q shuddered through this too  
Q: Thank you  
G: Drink?  
Q: Yes please

*

Many weeks on  
Q and G are laid on their side, connected at the hip, in a spooning position. G’s neck is bleeding again and Q is actually wearing knee high socks.  
G: I like this slow build up idea  
Q: It sounded nice  
Q put one of G’s hands under his shirt. G rubbed up and down his hip. Q just got a little wetter.  
G: Do you like that?  
Q: Yes..  
G: Q …  
Q: Yes?  
G: Can I have your neck?  
Q: Sure  
G bent him backward and licked a strip up his neck. Q took it and shuddered. G warm breath and deep rumbling was perfect alongside the extra touch was perfect. G held him tight, still slowly thrusting but licking and sucking at his neck. Q moans. His breathing deepens.  
Q: O- I mean, G.  
G: Getting there?  
Q moans  
G: Say you want it  
Q: Please. I want it. Please  
G’s hips move faster. He groans down Q’s neck. Q lets it happen. G grips him and follows Q into climax.  
G breath hot and heavy. Q shuffles out and gets under the covers.  
G: We have to stop doing this  
Q: And go back to sexual frustration? What would be the point?  
G: We can’t keep using each other like this  
Q: Why not. We can’t have the real thing. And I don’t know about you, but this is much better than maturbating  
G: That, I can agree with, but do you not think we are separating ourselves from what we really want. Even if it seems unattainable, there is surely still a chance, but we ruin that chance by using each other  
Q: Is that optimism I hear?  
G: I’m going to ask B out  
Q: Oh. Why didn’t you start with that?  
G: Because if I’m unsuccessful, I need you stop me jumping out an air lock or gaining a few stone in ice cream  
Q: Good idea

*

Q watched from the safe distance of the bar.  
G and B are doing their weekly meal date thing. G does such a good job of keeping things neutral. After all this time he’s gotten good at hiding his emotions.  
Their conversation comes to a close. Q watches B look concerned and lean in to see if G’s okay. Q can see G’s nails are digging into the table. G talks. B listens. B pulls several versions of surprised face followed by a not so surprised face.  
Q: Oh my god, he’s doing it  
B takes G’s hand and says something back. G’s mouth opens a tad in surprise. B says something else and stands up and still holds his hand. G is still in shock at whatever is happening.  
G looks directly at Q. Q nods frantically. He looks back to B and stands. B walks them out of the bar  
Q: Braver than me  
Q goes back to his duties behind the bar.  
He wonders how he would go about asking O out. He could make a suggestion next time he gets arrested. Maybe they need another few days in a runabout. If he were a Ferengi he’d just offer him some oo-mox and be done with it. If he were Bajoran he could just offer himself straight up. If he were Cardassian, their arguments would have already landed them in bed… but no. He’s none of them.  
O: Evening  
Q almost broke the glass in his hand with how tight his grip suddenly got  
Q: Constable  
O: How’s your leg?  
Q: That was weeks ago  
O: I’m checking there's no permanent damage  
Q: No there isn’t. Good as new  
O: And G fixed the pants  
Q nodded shallowly  
O: Good  
There was an awkward silence  
O: Q?  
Q looks up.  
Q: Yeah?  
O drags him in for a kiss. Q is not wasting this opportunity. He closes his eyes and melts into it. O puts him back on his side of the bar  
Q: What was that for?  
O: B and I have been talking  
Q: Sounds familiar  
O: What?  
Q: Nothing  
O: I feel… silly for not noticing  
Q: O, it’s been 10 years. How do you not notice-  
O kisses him again. All is forgiven again  
O puts him back down  
O: I should go  
Q: Like hell you do. I’ve waited years for you to notice and now you have, I think we need to set some things straight  
O: Like what?  
Q leans right over the bar  
Q: Like what's under that uniform and how do you feel about oo-mox?  
O: Would you like to find out?  
Q: Yes please  
Q drags O into the back room


End file.
